Someone tell me what the equation is.
The one that lets me in on the secrets of the Autistic mind.
I spend the majority of the hours in the day attempting to configure exactly what will help my son thrive, and perhaps even more importantly, what will help avoid a meltdown.
I was never good at math. In fact, I joke that I’m the worst person at math that I know.
So give this Mama a math problem, and she’s reaching out for help from the class.
But what happens when the “math problem” is your child’s special needs world?
What happens when there is no solution? At least not one that you can simplify.
I cut crusts off of sandwiches, and some days that’s not what you wanted.
Maybe I cut it into the wrong shape.
I can pick out the most comfy shoes, with no laces, for less distraction, and sometimes you’d rather just go without .
I could create and teach a course on what the inside of every pair of pants feels like, in every store in town.
Because this mama does her research.
Like “Goldie Locks”, for clothing.
This pair is too rough. This pair it too slinky. This pair is just right! (Or so I think).
You, my sweet boy, are becoming more sensitive to some materials as you grow older. But some days, the research fails, and putting on clothing is a struggle all together.
I go through various objects, trying to imagine if it is what you’re after, for a “stim” toy.
Is it squishy?
Is it soft?
Does it light up?
And most importantly, is it safe?
Nothing too small, Nothing with little parts. Nothing you can bite or take apart. And nothing too hard (since you use your chest like a little drum).
Right now your “jam” is spoons. It’s adorable, and fascinating, all in one breath.
So mama stocks the cupboards. You want spoons? We are on it! Your joy is the brightest light in our life.
And then… you’d want, say, forks instead.
How do I help you in the hardest parts if I don’t know how?
How do I stop a meltdown from a sneeze, when I don’t know why it troubles you so?
How do I know when to cut off sandwich crusts, when pants are fine or “leg prisons”, and what stim object to have on hand for you next, when I don’t know the pattern?
How do I solve a problem written in invisible ink?