With Seasons Comes Change

Change is difficult, no matter how you approach it.
For many adults, a shift in careers, having (more) children, moving to a new place, or beginning/ending relationships.

I take a look at this list, and imagine different points in my life where I’ve experienced each. To say it is stressful, is to put it lightly.
And then, I look to my sweet boy. My Beckett.
It’s hard to fully grasp just what it must feel like for him with each change that rears its head. So unexpectedly. Within something as “simple” as the changing of seasons.

With seasons comes an immense amount of transition.
It affects everything. Even our clocks.
Depending on where you are in the world, we experience “time change” or “Daylight Savings” time.
This in itself is enough to drive a person bonkers.
Is my child magically going to happily wake up an hour earlier, because we all of a sudden changed the “rules”?
Is he going to slip into slumber before his normal bedtime, because the sun and moon are playing a lengthy game of “Tag”?
Haha! Not likely.
Sleep doesn’t often come easy here, anyhow. So it steps to a whole other level of “tired” in our house.

With seasons comes clothing change.
We go from blissful shorts and sandals to enjoy the bright sun, to bundling up in heavier layers to keep us from the cold.

As for Beckett, this may be one of the more challenging shifts we go through together.
Imagine being made uncomfortable by certain materials grazing your skin.
Now, imagine not having a choice but to endure it, because the current season has brought with it, the kiss of wintry air.

A jacket or coat is often the most we can muster.
My boy will not wear gloves on his hands, as it gives him the overwhelming sense of restriction. The feeling of losing the sense of touch all together.
He won’t currently keep a winter hat on for more than (maybe) ten minutes. And on those days, we call that duration a definite win.
And when we do make that dreaded move from shorts to pants, it can take weeks for my littlest love to find his groove.
He will pull up his pant legs in the winter, wondering why there’s an excess of material lingering.
And opposite, come Summer, he will pull at his shorts at the knee, in an attempt to make them longer once again.

With season changes comes insomnia, illness, and allergies.
And Beckett picks up everything, it seems.

Sounds simple though, right? Buy the tissues, the honey for scratchy throats, the oils, the cough medicines, the humidifiers, etc….
If only.

Sneezes are the enemy this time of year.
For reasons not yet understood on my part, sneezing causes the largest meltdowns.

My little miracle boy will sneeze, then search for something to wipe it on (most often me), then drop to the ground and repeatedly (and methodically) touch his head on the ground. The tears streaming.
It’s a different sort of cry than for pain. It’s a more concentrated, more panicky kind of cry that instantly lets me know that he doesn’t know what to do in that instance.
He doesn’t know where to put that overwhelming sensation of frustration.
And that’s where I lose it. I am overcome with sadness as I don’t know how to make it better. Yet.

Sneezing during the fall and winter is like breathing. It’s just what you do.

I don’t know what it’s like to physically experience a meltdown. I can’t imagine what your mind must be reeling through.
But I know what it’s like to witness meltdown after meltdown in a day, because your child is ill.
And for the most part, my hands are tied.
He doesn’t want physical comfort most times. In fact, that often escalates it.
I used to cry over the thought of him not wanting to be held, or hugged, or cuddled when a meltdown would ensue, but I get it.
When we are upset, most often the last thing we want is to be touched.
How smothering it can feel.

I’m learning. But it will never get easier to see. My sweet, happy, care-free boy.
Though they are few, the meltdowns can be intense. And this time of year does us zero favors.

How do you explain sneezing? How do you make them stop
How do I keep him calm when certain materials are the culprit?
How do I keep him healthy, when some hats, gloves, and coats often give the feeling of restriction?
How do I make him understand that I’m only trying to help, and medicine isn’t some random “punishment” for your taste buds?

I guess what I’m getting at today is, if you see a Mama with mascara on just one eye, drinking an extra-large coffee, with mismatched shoes, and a coat hanging on by one arm, in a hurry… wave. Give grace. Be kind. Be courteous. Say “hi”.
I’ll say “hi” back. Promise. 😉

If only one of us gets to be dressed warm to stay well this winter, I promise, all my eggs are always going in the “Beckett basket”.
Because when you get lucky enough to transition into that world of motherhood, to be a Mom, that’s just what you do.

But if i’m a little late to future engagements, I apologize in advance. Probably give it five more minutes.
It’s “coat season”, friends.

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I’m a Mama to a preemie miracle little boy, on the Autism spectrum. A loving wife of US Navy Veteran. A Blogger. A chaser of naps. And a lover of all things caffeinated.

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